my conversion

I was "born from above" (John 3:3) in 1996.  That was my conversion and the beginning of my transformation as a person and pastor, by the Grace of God and around the Good News of Jesus' Agape Love.

It came after being baptized as an infant, being raised on an Island in a church of Protestant women.  It came after being raised Lutheran, then from age 10 on, saying that I was going to be a pastor in the 7th grade, going through confirmation classes and being at church multiple days of the week, singing in every choir I could, loving sacred (even church folk) music, being fascinated with sermons, having a rather fundamentalist faith, then attending Lutheran colleges as a Theology major and learning about the Historical-Critical method of understanding scripture, textual criticism and the like, having my eyes opened to how a person of faith uses his/her mind as well as heart in matters of the Spirit of God, attending seminary, being ordained and serving as a Lutheran pastor for 10 years, most of which was spent in inner-city Cleveland and Toledo, Ohio. 

It came gradually.  There had been a growing sense within me that lectionary preaching and teaching Bible Study, doing discipleship classes and adult Sunday School (all with curriculums I was writing or had written) was my love - it was the Word that I loved.  My fundamentalist faith gave way to a deepened understanding through study and that inspired me.  It was through study of the Word that the Holy Spirit most worked, on my heart AND mind, touching my spirit and heart in Worship with the Music, the Sacraments of Grace and the Word.  What I was doing as a pastor beyond being in the Word seemed to be disconnected with the message of the Gospel in many ways.  The way the church was structured, acted in society and behaved seemed incongruous with what Jesus said.  This weighed on me more and more.  It ate at me.  It consumed me.

It came with some tension.  The congregation I served was growing with folk from the neighborhood, but the people already there - the white, middle-class, straight, conservative people - did not like what they saw.  As quickly as folk were coming in because a few of us were showing them love, they were being pushed out by the intolerance of others in the church.  My growing sense of Jesus' Agape Love being at the center of the Gospel and that it should be at the center of how we as the church lived in the world, compelled me to preach and teach more fervently on what Jesus taught, commanded and modeled for us as the fulfiller of the Law and Prophets, Savior and Lord.  Over time, as I became more at peace with my embrace of Jesus' Good News, I was more willing to risk suggesting as a pastor of that Good News that we as church more closely live that Good News in the world around us, and that put me more at odds with a core of members of my congregation.

It came with a cost.  I remember suggesting some changes to our congregational President, changes that I thought would put us more in line with how the First Century believers followed Jesus.  Besides the fact that the parish secretary pulled these written suggestions out of his mailbox and read them, feeling compelled to confront me on them, and in spite of the president's reticence to consider them publicly, I pursued them at a council meeting.  I was told in no uncertain terms that the monthly congregational meeting and community meal that would bring people together to celebrate and make decisions together would not happen.  "Those people" were not welcome, especially as equals in the congregation.  I remember the day that I walked past the church, saw my name on the sign, and realized that I could no longer put my name on what it represented.  I resigned at the November congregational meeting, not just from the congregation as its pastor, but from the denomination that I felt was not promoting the Gospel of Jesus in its congregations, effective January 1, 2000.  After fourteen years in that denomination, I was without a job, income or pension, and I felt freed from a burden and empowered to be a pastor of the Gospel of Jesus.

It came with joy.  Since leaving the institutional church, I have done a number of wonderful things in order to make a living, but the most wonderful thing has been working with individuals, small (and I mean SMALL) congregations, in my home and in my community at living the Good News of Jesus - what Jesus taught, commanded and modeled for us as we have that in the Gospels.  I believe that THAT is faithfulness to the Lord, the Redeemer, the Savior, fulfiller of the Law and Prophets and my authority on God's Will - Kingdom Values - how God wants us to live in THIS PART of God's Kingdom, here and now.  I speak, preach, teach, write, blog and strive to live the Agape Love (active commitment on behalf of the other, even stranger and enemy and certainly "the least" among us) that Jesus taught, commanded and modeled for me to live.  I am touched, moved and inspired to do so more and more, as I see what transpires around me in the West end of Atlanta, this city, this state, the country and the world.  I believe that the Good News of Jesus is what is needed in the world, and when the church starts living it as its central mission, THEN we will be faithful to Jesus, and individuals, the church and the world will be transformed by it. 

It came with longevity.  It has been twenty years since my conversion experience, when I was finally "born from above" because I stopped stubbornly thinking the same way and started applying my mind, heart and spirit to following Jesus' way of walking with God.  Not everyone welcomes the message I have, especially those who embrace American Civil Religion or fundamentalist faith, those who disassociate communal love and responsibility to sisters and brothers in a "me and Jesus" theology, and those who pursue their own interests in prosperity or church growth theology.  It has put me at odds with neighbors, family, friends and pastors.  But I have met many wonderful people who are Christ to me, and I pray that others will see Christ in me as I walk in this world - not just through my words, but in my actions.    With the challenges we now face in this nation and world, I will strive to faithfully shine the light of the Good News of Jesus' Agape and Grace on the darkness being cast (even sometimes by the church) in the world around me.  This is a life-long transformational process by the Holy Spirit of God.  I am thankful to be in it.

Pastor Jamie