Matthew 18:21-35
Forgiveness is hard. It is especially hard when folk believe they are entitled to belittle, discriminate against or harm us. It is hard when others who do so are unrepentant. It is hard when those who treat us shamefully have no shame in doing so. It is hard especially when we are healthy enough to believe that we deserve better than that from others.
But it is possible to believe that we deserve to be treated with respect, equity, equality and justice, and still to recognize that others make mistakes, look errantly at how they need to live in the world because of their own past traumas, and are operating out of their own pain. Empathy for the trespasser can be difficult, and it takes some humility, but it also can be helpful for us. It helps us understand that we, ourselves are capable of great good in others' lives and great evil to them. It helps us to understand that we are not perfect either and that we each need to BE forgiven when we hurt others. It helps us to see the value of forgiveness itself.
Forgiveness is the thing. In order to understand it, we must grasp the importance of being forgiving of others when they sin against us, as much as we grasp the need for us to be forgiven when we sin against others. Sin, breeches in trust, love, civility, respect, justice and integrity touch us all. We need to be forgiven for our breeches that hurt others, and we must be forgiving of others for their breeches that hurt us.
Refusing to forgive is truly like "swallowing a burning coal and expecting that to hurt the other." In refusing to forgive, we carry around within us such a mass of malignant toxic sludge that it cannot help but powerfully affect our relationships with others who have not wronged us. Forgiveness is for the sake of the forgiver.
Refusing to forgive is also an act of hatred and not love toward another person who is capable of sinning just as we are, hoping to inflict pain on those who need forgiveness. Forgiveness is for the sake of the forgiven.
The parable of the unforgiving servant illustrates this, and the problem of someone who believes that he/she/they deserves to be forgiven but has no need to be forgiving of others.
Forgiveness does not always come instantly, even when it is sometimes declared quickly. It can take a long time to bring oneself to forgive others, even oneself for breeches of trust, love, civility, respect, justice and integrity. Doing the soul-searching work and bringing oneself to forgiveness, regardless of how much it takes to do so, can relieve everyone in a relationship of further pain.
Matthew's Jesus commands us not to judge because we are not qualified to be judges of others. We are capable of the same sins that they are capable of in this life, as is illustrated by the "log in the eye" simile. We are reminded that "the measure (we) give is the measure we will receive" (see also Luke 6:37, 38 on how forgiveness is the same).
Forgiveness comes of Love, Grace and Mercy. Jesus is of Love, Grace and Mercy. If we are people of Jesus' Way we will be of Love, Grace and Mercy as well. Forgiveness is commanded because it is an act of Grace (undeserved loving mercy given freely) and Agape Love (active commitment on behalf of the other, even stranger or enemy).
To value forgiveness, be must value both being forgiven and being forgiving. To be followers of Jesus, we must see the value of forgiveness and strive to live it genuinely in our lives.
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